Grown old

I'm afraid of being old. I'm frightened just by thinking about it
I don't want. i really really don't want to be old.
It's not that i'm afraid of starting getting wrinkles, or crow's feet, or white hair, or anything, even well, i don't like those ideas too. I am just scared of myself getting older everyday. The more i am matured, the more i should've understood what i ought to do, do my own thing and not just standing still in the same place. In other words, i should change, move. But i don't know, or maybe i just don't want to.I want to live my everyday, without any single thought that my age is being added up. Every morning, or dawn, or maybe the night when i couldn't sleep, i woke up and found, i'd been a day older than who I was the day before. And then, by the next 365 days i would've been a year older. Doesn't it seem long? Setiap tahun baru, gw sering ngeliat temen2 dan orang2 disekitar gw sibuk bikin sederet panjang list 'this year resolution' or something like that. Yah emang sih, logically, there should be a huge chance for us to change in a year. But for me, it wasn't, really. I was still the same person, changing only a bit and was obviously not worth a year to be like that.

Kalo ngomongin ini, gw jadi inget sama temen gw, Argi. One day gw pernah liat pm msn dia 'takut dewasa', and im shocked, ternyata temen gw sendiri juga ada yang berpikiran sama kaya gw. Terus akhirnya gw chat sama dia dan ngomongin sedikit tentang hal ini. Alesannya sih sama, we're just not ready yet to carrying an unbearable burden on our tiny shoulders. And now, i think its normal for me to worried about this one, khususnya buat yang seumuran gw (yang baru lulus sma dan ngerasa 'dipaksa' ngehadapin dunia yang jauh lebih dewasa dan sangat menuntut), it's very normal. Because being adult is pathetic, really. And thinking that every teenager, is thinking this way, sounds more pathetic, doesn't it?

I feel that life is being too fast. Hey, it's 2009! I'll be eighteen. And soon it will be 2010. I'll be nineteen. Twenty. Twenty! Can you imagine that? Oh gosh, I don't want to grow up anymore. I don't want to be dead either. I want to live without getting older.
Maybe I just want to be seventeen forever.
Im selfish, aren't it?