Say goodbye to highschool drama

Now i don't have to tryin hard just for being accepted, or being liked or even admired.
Now i don't have to wearing a 'mask' and being faked to anyone.
Now i don't have to put on such a good fake smile anymore.

Real and fake friends don't even have any differences.

Bye bye high school drama.

Trouble sleeping

I can't sleep, it's 3:00 in the morning
My eyes keep searching for something to see, my body starts to twists, from here to there an indication for an exhaustion.

It's Sunday already, Monday is ahead and i never said i was waiting for Monday
cause Monday it is, Mondays we hate
Can I pass Monday please ?Eeergh, don't bother Monday anymore
bother this,the problem-I-always-have-in-every-holidays
trouble sleeping.
a mini vexatious less significant problem I always had
Help me,or at least accompany me until I'm asleep,
and witness myself within my own dream..

Read this (!)

About negative things about me that probably popped in your mind before you continue up reading...
I totally care.
Well, I'm a proud for being myself, and it doesn't make me heartless, that i've been wishing i'd be. All rumors you have spread, those shiteous mocking and talking whatsoever. Have made me think twice about giving respect. We know we're not even friends but please stop misjudging. Because you don't know me at all. My attitude, every sentence that've splitted out my mouth, are not your business. My past and background are not the worldwide news. Myself is not a comparison to others. Pity you couldn't tolerate an odd side of my life, when I was suffering to tolerate yours. And for the sake of being exist, you huddled your "buddies" up by hurting someone. How uncool. Please do not create your own notion based on your over confidence. I believe a douchebag alone is better than huge amount of it. And here I'm free to express what has been running across my brain, so you know what? FUCKTHIS

as time goes by...

Konvoi 17 agt 2008, sman 46 angkatan 2009 <3

My awesome girls, at my 17th birthday


My classmates for 2 years :----)

Our greatest moment.

Back to senior high,
I remember every single minute from my grade 10 until grade 12
Where i stood, where i sat,where i laughed, where i cried,where i was happy, where i was upset where i made things right, and where i messed up.

And where i was, there were my friends who always stood up beside me.
I had the best, i had the worst.
I've felt the loyalty, i've felt the backstabbed.
I fell in love, i fell out of love.
I was young, and i grew up.
I made the wrongs and i learned.
We all write the wrongs.

From time to time we still stand in a circle, a circle of what i called friendship with an additional of love. I drew it up as a circle, cause i don't want any square or rectangle. Square and rectangle has end points, but not a circle, a circle has no end. And that's us, we have no end. No end of love, no end of hopes, no end of laughs, we just got no ending of everything.


So hey there senior high friends! How are you and how's life treating you?

Bye bye high school

3 years passed so fast, and we cry, and we apologize, and we hug, and we thanking each other.
Never thought high school can be so dramatic in the end
Reminiscing our stories through our pictures we took, back when we were out together and sat together, teasing everyone and we made jokes that only us can understand

And through everything that we made...
Goodbye laughs and cries, soul mates and backstabbers, girlfriends and boyfriends !
Say goodbye to high school drama !

and oh, i really can't wait for my prom party tomorrow
byebye then :-)

My fav model (or style icon?)

Guess, who's my favourite model?

Agyness deyn?

Daisy lowe?

Irina lazareanu?

Gema ward?

Dont ever think that one of them is my favourite model. Maybe some of my friends did. Sebenernya, gw sempet suka banget sama daisy lowe. Tapi semenjak majalah gogirl mulai ngebahas dia terus, jadi banyak banget orang2 yang suka sama dia and it makes me not interest with her anymore. Ga tau kenapa gw tuh kalo lagi suka sama sesuatu, bakalan jadi ga suka lagi kalo udah banyak orang yang suka. And how about agyness deyn? she's been all over the runways and the magazines lately, not to mention when she was wearing awful Cosby Show castoffs and pretending to be a dj (does every young famous idiot have to pretend that? Is it a law?) And i've got one of her picture from google

The socks? The ugly footwear? Which one makes this look hideous? There is nothing about what Agyness is doing here that makes her look fashionable. Well, i dont hate her, but i think she looks like trying too hard to be stylish, or to be a fashion icon, whatever.

And i'll tell you my favourite model!

she's..........

Cory Kennedy!

She's a19 American model and i love her, and if you don't already, you will by the end. She is one of those girls that just ooze that I'm-not-fashionable-because-it's-cool-I-just-am attitude. If you have seen the Nylon magz or watched Nylon TV, you'll know what I'm talking about. I really adore her, but not her attitude, cause i've heard that she's a junkie.Talkin about style, or style icon, i've one word to describe what kind of style that i'd like..

Effortless. (and cory kennedy did)

You dont need to hire a hairstylist, baby (hihi)

Yesterday me and thafan decided to spend time together. Dari awal sih rencananya emang mau nemenin thafan potong rambut dulu. Soalnya, gw udah bosen banget sama rambut dia yang gitu2 aja jadi gw nyuruh dia buat motong rambutnya, modelnya tuh yang kanan kirinya tipis itu yang kaya rambutnya vino g bastian ituuuu hahahaha. Awalnya sih dia gamau, dia takut dicakin segala macem terus takut ini itu lah, tapi setelah gw paksa2 akhirnya dia nurut juga.


On the waaay, terus gara2 thafan jemput gw kecepetan jadinya gw ga sempet dandan dan nyatok blablabla padahal gw bener2 baru bangun huhu (tapi udah mandi kok tenang aja) jadi keliatan pucet banget yah? gara2 liat hasil foto yang ini thafan bela2in berenti dulu di pinggir jalan di pi cuma buat nungguin gw dandan, soalnya gw ga bisa make eyeliner kalo mobilnya jalan haha :--D

terus kita sempet bingung mau potong dimana, setelah muter2 akhirnya kita mutusin buat nyari salon di daerah gandaria aja, kan daerah situ sederetan banyak salon2 bagus. terus kita sempet udah parkir di salah satu salon tapi pas thafan masuk, dia langsung keluar lagi gamau gara2 isinya banci semua, ih aneh banget kan. Akhirnya kita ke salon yang di sebelahnya deh. Udah gitu mas2nya kaya ga bener2 ngerti model rambut yang gw pengen, jadinya tuh lamaaa banget setengah jam lebih baru selesai. Sebenernya gw kurang puas sih soalnya yang bagian atas jambangnya itu ga ditipisin banget sama mas2nya, soalnya takut jelek gitu katanya. Tapi menurut gw malah jadi nanggung deh.

Kayanya gw salah ambil angle fotonya deh, soalnya jadi ga begitu keliatan modelnya ya? tapi dari belakang beneran bagus banget deh, soalnya rambut tengahnya dia tuh udah panjang. Nah itu loh yang gw maksud jambangnya ga ikut ditipisin. Nanggung bgt kan? Jadinya pas dia nganterin gw pulang, gw langsung masuk rumah, ambil gunting dan gw potong lagi deh yang bagian jambangnya itu hahaha tapi jadinya bagus kooook.

hihi terus setelah rambut thafan beresssss kita ke pim bentar cuma buat makan sushitei terus pulang deh huhu padahal gw lagi pengen makan seafood yang di fatmawati ituuuu.

nb: sabtu ini gw wisudaaaaaaaa waow i can't wait!

kick ya lateeeeeer!

Prom pram prom

Hellooooooo 10 hari lagi saya prom night loh dan gw belom nyiapin apa2 buat itu. jadi hari ini tuh gw memutuskan buat ngurusin dress prom. kemaren sih gw udah browsing design yg gw mau di internet, finally dapet juga design yang bener2 gw suka. terus tadi siang ngubek2 bombay tekstil mayestik sama mama buat nyari bahan. tadinya sih gw mau satin, soalnya kayanya temen2 gw manda ira arin dan lainnya pada pake bahan itu dan gw liat di fb, prom sekolah lain pada pake bahan itu buat dressnya. tapi kata nyokap gw kalo bahan satin gitu terlalu mengkilat lagipula udah pasaran banget jadi nyokap gw saranin beli bahan sutra aja yaudah deh gw beli bahan sutra yang ternyata muahaaalll huhuhu tapi kata nyokap gw gapapaaaa soalnya kan kalo buat dress 2 meter juga cukup. yaudah deh gw beli bahan sutra+silk chiffon(buat dalemannya gitu) masing2 2 meter.
Terus pas gw sampe rumah, temen nyokap gw (yang ngejaitin baju dressnya) udah ada di rumah udah siap buat ngukur2 segala macem, dan yang bikin nyesek ternyata untuk design dress yang gw mau tuh butuh bahan 5 meter. Jadi gw butuh beli bahan sutra+silk chiffon 3 meter lagi dan itu artinya gw bakal ngabisin dana nyaris sejuta cuma buat bahan doaaaaaaaaaang ditambah lagi ntar ongkos jaitnya 1jt huhuhu padahal gw rencananya gamau ngabisin dana lebih dari 500rb buat dress prom, soalnya gw pikir useless aja kalo mahal2 cuma buat prom doang. tapi karena nyokap gw beliin bahannya yang itu jadi yaudah harus gimana lagi. Sebenernya gw seneng2 aja sih soalnya bahannya bagus banget dan temennya nyokap gw itu tuh bukan penjait asal, dia tuh designer terus punya butik juga gitu jadi pasti hasilnya bagus banget, tapi gw ga rela aja overbudget cuma gara2 dress prom huhuhu tapi yaudahlah semoga aja hasilnya bagus :s

ohya Alhamdulillah gw lega banget sama hasil pengumuman uan kemaren. Tapi turut sedih juga buat 8 orang temen gw yang belom seberuntung yang lain :'-(

Grown old

I'm afraid of being old. I'm frightened just by thinking about it
I don't want. i really really don't want to be old.
It's not that i'm afraid of starting getting wrinkles, or crow's feet, or white hair, or anything, even well, i don't like those ideas too. I am just scared of myself getting older everyday. The more i am matured, the more i should've understood what i ought to do, do my own thing and not just standing still in the same place. In other words, i should change, move. But i don't know, or maybe i just don't want to.I want to live my everyday, without any single thought that my age is being added up. Every morning, or dawn, or maybe the night when i couldn't sleep, i woke up and found, i'd been a day older than who I was the day before. And then, by the next 365 days i would've been a year older. Doesn't it seem long? Setiap tahun baru, gw sering ngeliat temen2 dan orang2 disekitar gw sibuk bikin sederet panjang list 'this year resolution' or something like that. Yah emang sih, logically, there should be a huge chance for us to change in a year. But for me, it wasn't, really. I was still the same person, changing only a bit and was obviously not worth a year to be like that.

Kalo ngomongin ini, gw jadi inget sama temen gw, Argi. One day gw pernah liat pm msn dia 'takut dewasa', and im shocked, ternyata temen gw sendiri juga ada yang berpikiran sama kaya gw. Terus akhirnya gw chat sama dia dan ngomongin sedikit tentang hal ini. Alesannya sih sama, we're just not ready yet to carrying an unbearable burden on our tiny shoulders. And now, i think its normal for me to worried about this one, khususnya buat yang seumuran gw (yang baru lulus sma dan ngerasa 'dipaksa' ngehadapin dunia yang jauh lebih dewasa dan sangat menuntut), it's very normal. Because being adult is pathetic, really. And thinking that every teenager, is thinking this way, sounds more pathetic, doesn't it?

I feel that life is being too fast. Hey, it's 2009! I'll be eighteen. And soon it will be 2010. I'll be nineteen. Twenty. Twenty! Can you imagine that? Oh gosh, I don't want to grow up anymore. I don't want to be dead either. I want to live without getting older.
Maybe I just want to be seventeen forever.
Im selfish, aren't it?

Another boring day

rrrrrrrrrr hari ini boseeeeeen bgt. bokap nyokap juga belom pulang2 padahal janjinya sore ini udah pulang huhuhu padahal tuh gw mau minta uang buat beli sesuatu gitu buat ulang taun thafan besok. bilangnya sih mereka malem ini pulang abis maghrib, ya semoga aja deh, kalo ga pulang juga bisa gawat banget kan. pokonya hari ini bener2 nothing special lah, seharian gw cuma tidur makan dan tidur lagi dan nonton tv yang beritanya tentang manoharaaaaaaa mulu (but im quite interested with this topic, actually) dan terus tidur lagi terus bangun, makan pancake buatan mbak yang nyummmmmy terus ol dan gw rasa abis ini gw mau tidur lagi huaaaaaaa mau jadi apa nih gw. iya abisnya mata gw lagi iritasi, udah 2 hari ini merah terus berair mulu, perih banget deh, kalo liat cahaya dikit rasanya silaaau banget huhu kayanya gara2 gw salah beli pembersih softlens deh soalnya gw ga beli merk yang biasa gw pake, jadi mungkin ga cocok gitu huhuuuu makanya bawaannya pengen gw meremin aja deh matanya, makanya hari ini gw tidur mulu (padahal emang udah dasarnya gw kebo)

And i can't get these songs out of my head today :
Lady Gaga - again again
(recommended by asteria, last night when he came to my house to sleep over hihi)

You've gotta a lotta lotta nerve
Coming here when i'm still with him
And i can't have you, it isn't fair
Born march of '86, my birthday's coming
And if i had one wish
Yeah, you'd be it
When you're 'round
I lose myself inside your mouth
You've got brown eyes
Like no one else
Baby make it to me
Again and again
Again, again, again, again
Never stop again and again
Again, again, a-a-again, again..............